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A million thoughts flooding my head as I sit here staring at the vertical light my vertical blinds are casting across my lap. The morning sun is fresh and brighter than the light of the afternoon sun. Or so it seems early in the morning. My freshly brewed cup of steaming Ethiopian coffee smells delightfully of chocolate and oak in my nostrils as I sit here thinking of my next steps. My next move. My next play. Today is when the wheels are set in motion. Today is when my to-do list triples in size. When my future is starting to be carved out by my very own hands. The problem is fear. I’m a very routine person when it comes to my life, choosing instead to rely on systems.

A system is created to reduce mishaps, stress and anxiety. A system is put in place to have a set of rules to fall back on and keep your life going even when you fall off track. But what happens when you purposely pull the emergency shut off lever. When you derail your tracks and decide to embark on a journey not so comfortable or anywhere closely resembling your system. That’s when fear sets in.

But isn’t that what sets apart the doers and the sayers? People who are “gonna” do something new or “wanna” be something different? The people that take that blind leap of faith and trust that their ability and love for what they want will guide them and keep them on path. But what then? What I f it doesn’t work.

Then it’s ok. Life still goes on. Every lesson is a life lesson. A chance to learn from it, and I appreciate all of those moments I have in my life. So even as I sit there and let that first dot of doubt enter my mind. As easily as it comes in I let it float out. Transforming that seed into a wispy cloud and allowing it to float right back out of my mind. And with that I have solace. I have comfort in the fact that I can. And I will. And that in and of itself will be enough to keep going.